Background Check

This was my very first blog. A few years ago, but still very important.

Hello! This is my first "blog". I've never really done this before, but I had a conversation with a friend of mine tonight. Her husband is an avid "blogger" and I realized maybe this would be good for me. I've had lots of things on my mind lately and I need to get them off my chest.I'm 27 years old, married and have a -16 week old baby. For those of you understanding the (-) symbol, you may realize I have a baby on the way. Our first child! Awesome! Did you plan it? Everyone has asked us this. No, we didn't plan it. We were just doing what married couples do and BAM! Emeril sprinkled us with a little "baby" seasoning. We're happy about it though. It's been alot to deal with. I've been trying my hardest to deal with the all the stress of hormones, mixed emotions, nausea, weight gain, worrying, quitting smoking, constant urination. Don't feel too bad though, my wife has had some of those symptoms, too. She's actually doing all right now. She only has minimum symptoms now. The biggest one for me to deal with has been my "stench of cigarettes". She, a newly "former" smoker, notices my carcinogenic fragrance from miles away. Just something to get used to for me. We've been smoking companions since our first date.We've been together for almost 9 years, but have been married almost a year. Married March 15th, 2003 . Both of our parents have been married around 35 years. We just FIGHT sometimes like we've been married 35 years. We love each other though.We were born in a small town smack dab in the middle of Illinois. We both have 2 older siblings. She has 2 older sisters. I have 2 older brothers. We were born in the same hospital, in the same town, on the same day, of the same month, of the same year. Now if that's not a sychronicity, I don't what is. We were destined to be together. We just seem to forget that sometimes. For example when I'm drying myself on the bathmat, rather than inside the tub or while she's asking me, "Are you done in the bathrom? Well, because you left the light on."This has all just been a glimpse of my life. Thanks for taking the time to check this out and more importantly checking me out. Until next time.

When I Grow Up I Want To Be....Something.

This is an old blog, but some truth about me I want to share.

I'm, in some people's eyes, already grown up. Than why don't I feel that way? Why don't I feel like I'm doing that "thing" that I always wanted to do? Or being that "thing" I always wanted to be? I'm not sure.I know the reasons why I haven't...the reasons why I'm not. It's all because of other people. It's because of my 7th grade teacher for one. She had to give me a D on that report which just made everything after that snowball. That forced my parents to pull me out of the higher english level and put me in the lower english level. Now I was separated from the "smart" kids. I now didn't have to try anymore. This just formed me in to a kid that didn't try. While my constant companions of accelerated learning groups were in high school taking accelarated classes I was in the "stupid" kid's classes. I just blended. It was easy for me. If I didn't look smart, I didn't have to act smart. Which made me not follow in my brothers' footsteps. I was not valedictorian of my high school, as was my brothers before me. No I was the stupid one. The one that "couldn't" do as well. I wasn't as "smart" as them. I squeaked by in high school. I just passed by with a D in some classes. It was all because I wasn't as "smart" as my brothers. I am so full of sh*t. I was just lazy. I didn't try. Honestly, if had wanted to, I could have also been valedictorian. I am smart enough. It was more that I didn't care. I wanted to have fun.Another reason for my lack of accomplishments have been my parents. They always supported me in everything I did. If I wanted to move to California and be an actor and singer and not go to college...they said go for it. If I wanted to drop out of college after a semester because it wasn't right for me...they said cool. If I wanted to change what I wanted to do with my life every other day...they said right on! They also would brag to others about me. They were always so proud of anything I wanted to do. They encouraged each and every new endeavor. Why? Why not tell me not to do it? Or why not tell me it was a bad idea? They are one of the reasons for why I don't know what I want right now. I am so full of sh*t. No, they encouraged me to do whatever wanted to do. They wanted me to be happy. By doing that has nothing to do with why I never fullfilled those dreams. They were just proud to be my parents. I'm the one that had to take those dreams by the balls and run with them. They couldn't do that for me. They were my dreams. Plus, then they'd be grabbing my dreams by the balls, which would be like grabbing me by the balls, which...never mind. I should've just listened to them for support. Instead, I let their encouragement justify every stupid thing I did or didn't do.Now the best reason I have for not accomplishing things is my wife. It's always about a woman. They hold you back. They never want you to do what you want to do. She wanted me to move to Arizona because she did. I never wanted to move there. Everything I've not been able to do is because of her. That's it! I figured it out. I would be what I always wanted to be if it wasn't for her. She guilt tripped me into moving, then getting married, then moving back to Illinois, then getting a job that I didn't want. It's totally her fault. Hopefully, you said it before I had to. I am so full of sh*t. If it wasn't for her I'd probably be a drunk, in my hometown, bragging at my high school reunion that I just got a job at the new gas station that opened up. Better than that, I'd be still living at home telling everyone that I'm going to be getting my own place..."next month". I used to want to move to California. I wanted to be an actor/singer. I decided earlier on, that I wouldn't be able to afford that. I later started dating a girl who I really liked. Then her whole family moved out to Arizona. I desided to follow a year or so later. It's not California, but it was closer than I was. While I lived out there I visited some friends who moved to California. Oh my God!!! I could never live there. There are way too many people. That cured that desire. So I stayed in AZ. Everytime I wanted to do something new, she was there. Holding my hand. Trying to tell me it was good idea. She has always had my back. She did always want to get married. You know they always do. Women are usually the ones that always want to move to the next level. Guys liking moving to the next level, too. It's just different. Moving to the next level for a man is more about upgrading. You know what I mean. Upgrading from not just a 6-pack at one sitting but a 24-pack. Now that's skill. Or Upgrading from the 24- inch TV to the 197-inch plasma. Or better than that getting your computer to download porn in .o3 seconds. Talk about awesome! Women's next level has to do with more than just herself. That's what it boils down to. Women aren't as selfish as we think they are. Yes, it's about them that they want to get married, but it's you that they want to marry. She wanted to marry me. So I realized I wanted it just as much as her. I found a good one. Let me just say. When you find one that does that one thing that makes you realize she could be the one...DO NOT LET HER GO. I'm not talking about anything in the bedroom, the kitchen, the living room, or the backseat of your Geo Metro, (which when I think about it, that would take skills). I mean that one time you feel like no one is there for you, you're all alone, and she is there for you. That's the keeper.After we decided to get married her mom's sickness worsened and she wanted to be near her mom, who was back to living in Illinois. I actually was the one that decided for us to move back. I was the one that decided for us to be closer to what she wanted. It's all about realizing what's important. Responsiblities. I have to do what is good for everyone around me. Life is all about responsiblities. Taking responsiblity for your own actions, which is a big one for me. Also, taking care of responsiblities that effect the ones you care about. For example, I have a baby on the way. I'm not going to pack up and join the circus even though I think would be fun. I'm not going to just up and quit my job because it doesn't "satisfy" me, when my wife is depending on me to help with the bills.I am now living in a Chicago suburb, with my wife, our dog, our cat and our soon to be baby. We have a decent place. I am working at a job that I really do like. It may not be the job that fulfills my "dreams", but it pays the bills. Wait a second. I just figured out what I want to be when I grow up.I've lways looked at my dad and thought, "He seems to have a purpose." He's not kicking himself because he didn't get to do something. That's what I want. I want to be content. What I want to be when I grow up is...a grown-up. That's what it's all about. When you're grown up you take of your own responsiblities. You're responsible for everything you do. You're also responsible for the people around you. Once you realize that, everything else falls into place. No matter where you're working, what you haven't achieved yet or may never achieve, all that matters is that you're happy. That's what it's all about. Being happy. No matter what happens, be content and happy.I don't know about you, but I'm glad I've figured it out. Now this doesn't mean that each day will be easier or I won't have new ideas everyday that I never do. I think everyone has stints of lack of motivation. It's just learning responsiblity. Be responsible to yourself to set goals, or ideas, and do them, no matter what the outcome. But always keep in mind those around you. That's being grown up and that's what I really want to be. When I grow up I want to be...a grown up.

The Real Me

I turn 30 in April. It shouldn't be too hard. The best part is I'll be sharing it, literally, with my best friend. My wife's birthday is the same day. She was born the same day, the same year, the same city, the same hospital, an hour and a half after me. No she's not my sister. It's just kismet, a sychronicity, a coincidence or what ever else you want to call it.
Turning 30, and getting older, is getting easier for me. Just recently I was promoted to a salaried position at my job. I know that sounds probably crazy to be almost 30 and still making $XXX/hour. Well it's true. I'm proud of my recent accomplishments too. I never finished college and I'm making a good living. I also feel like I'm a good husband and good dad. I'm not necessarily doing exactly what I'd like to do with my life, but it's still cool. If I had it my way I'd be an cartoon animator. Doing stuff like "Finding Nemo", "Robots" or "Ice Age", just to name a few. Now that would be awesome. I love that kind of stuff. I have so many ideas in my head that are bursting to come out, but you never seem to have enough time. I've been, been through the last couple years, trying to teach myself Flash, but it's hard when some of the only time you get, your daughter is standing next to you at the computer, looking up at you saying, "Dada", in the most adorable way, that either means "Get off the computer and play with me." or "Let me up on your lap so I can see what you're doing that you must think is so neat, or otherwise you wouldn't be ignoring me."
I'm a total geek when it comes to computers and any kind of animation. I just melt when I watch cool animation. I'm not in to "Star Wars" type stuff, but more cool animation that is probably aimed more at people 15-20 years younger than me. I do like special effects too, but cartoons are awesome. That's what's cool about having a daughter. I can watch different cartoons and not feel so guilty and childish. My wife is very understanding about my cartoon fetish. She actually watch most of them with me. When it comes to computers, I love them too. I'm not as good as I'd like to be, but I just love what they can do. I'm sure I'll talk about these subjects in the future.

A Little Quiet Time

I'm sitting down typing. Complete quiet. Now it's complete quiet. My daughter is 19 months. Between my wife and my schedules, it's hard to get Sofia on her own schedule. She goes to bed at 12 or so, whenever I go to bed. During the day she sleeps off and on while my wife is home from her job, trying to get some sleep. My daughter is just, somewhat recently, getting the idea of naps. It's tough. Trying to juggle a wife, a daughter, a life, a career and everything else that comes my way, all at the same time. The sound of her tears are enough to break my heart, but we all need our time. She's stopped now and all I hear are the cars driving by and the furnace blowing. Ah. It's quite relaxing. I think I'll take a nap.